Stuff on Iraq

Because Lord knows there aren't enough blogs out there covering this stuff...

Let's see. On CNN: Evidence is clear Saddam linked to 9/11. What evidence is that? The evidence that I don't get to see because I do not have a top secret security clearance. Could be, I guess. I always kind of wonder what kind of information national leaders have but can't share. Then they have to make a decision based on the information that they can't make public, so the government action ends up with odd-sounding rationale. I mean, it happens in business and in personal relations, so I don't see why the same kind of situation wouldn't arise for a nation's government.

Then I read that US 'knows' where Zarqawi is. Well, go get him! Twenty five million dollars? What's the hold up? Question- If a U.S. citizen grabs Zarqawi, will they have to pay taxes on the $25 mil? What would the tax rate be for that?

Uh oh. I've got conflicting propaganda here. The Albasrah site says:

"The albasrah.net website has not published any reports about az-Zarqawi because we, like all Iraqis, do not believe this mythological figure exists on the pure soil of Iraq. Iraq is fighting Anglo-American terrorism in its own, native Iraqi Resistance movement, which offers itself as a sacrifice for the liberation of the country, determined to continue fighting until the last inch of Iraqi soil is freed from today?s barbarian hordes."

Zarqawi is mythical? And who are they calling 'barbarians'? I'll have them know that I bathe several times a month, and always keep my mullet neatly groomed. Looking around their site, I think that digital cameras and the internet seem to have opened a whole new arena in the disinformation game. But this has an ominous ring of truth to it, just because it's the kind of thing I'd want if I lost a relative in 9/11. Grief trumps reason every time.

Misleading headline from the BBC

Minister slammed on napalm error

The Brits used napalm on somebody? Er, no. The Americans did, except that it wasn't really napalm. It was a Mark 77 Firebomb. And a bunch of British MP's are pissed off that someone told them the Americans weren't using 'em, except that everyone knew that they were. Or something. What does MP stand for, anyway? Besides Military Policeman.

And who came up with the name Mark 77 for a firebomb? I looked up Mark 7:7 in the Bible, but it doesn't say anything about a great bloody bomb that burns "dug-in troops, supply installations, wooden structures, and land convoys." (Link) They should probably call it the Revelation 1920 Firebomb. I would.

The View From Chewin in the Chung

Michael: There is a lot of religious tolerance in Taiwan. This is a good thing.

Karl: Dude! That is so totally true! In Taiwan, your religion is like, your business and not anybody else's business. That rocks.

Maoman: All this tolerance is the result of a lack of understanding about religion, and not enough religious education.

[Karl stares at Maoman, then looks questioningly at Michael. Michael shrugs.]

Karl: So in order to promote religious tolerance, we should... discourage religious education? Man, that can't be right.

Maoman: No no no! You see, in Taiwan, religion is more like an appeal to spiritual providence than any serious consideration of sin, redemption, good and evil.

Michael: So in addition to burning down a few Sunday schools, we need to divorce religion from the concept of good and evil, in order to more effectively promote religious tolerance?

Karl: I have kerosene!

Maoman: But the Taiwanese don't even understand their indigenous faiths deeply!

Michael: Maoman, the Taiwanese approach to religion is syncretistic. Now that is a very excellent word, and I bet you'd never guess I had to learn it from Karl. But you see, when it comes to faith, a Jack-of-all-trades, Master-of-none approach is demonstrably preferrable to specialism.

Karl: You misspelled 'preferable'.

Michael: Yeah? How'd you do against Malv last Saturday in Axis & Allies?

Karl: I saw Crome Relic last Saturday night at 89k. They totally rocked. I don't know anything about Axis & Allies.

Michael: You can say that again.

Here we go again

The House approved a constitutional amendment that would give Congress the power to ban desecration of the American flag.

The amendment reads thus: "The Congress shall have power to prohibit the physical desecration of the flag of the United States."

Now, didn't Bush say some time back "Freedom will find a way"? Isn't the right to protest by burning a flag one of those freedoms? Of course not. Freedom is not some generic term that implies 'the right to act freely'. The literal meaning of the word 'Freedom' is 'do things our way'. Wanna smoke pot? We don't do that, so that is not freedom. So forget it. We don't marry people of the same sex, so the right to do so is not Freedom either. You freak. You like guns? So do we. That's why the right to own guns is the epitome of Freedom...

You know, these words, this attempt at sarcasm is not even funny. I give up. Ban desecration of whatever the hell you want America. I'll try to salvage any comedic value of this post by reminding everyone of the wisdom of Peter Rjinswand:

"Yes, brave men and women died for our freedom, but one of the freedoms they died for was the right to act like a retard. And burning your own possessions because you are angry is one of those sacred, retarded freedoms."

Poser Mud

Some years ago, there was a product called 'cellphoney' or something. It was an imitation car phone, ostensibly for those who couldn't afford a real car-phone but wanted people to think they had car phones. I don't remember much about it except one comedian's gibe: "Who are you going to talk to on your fake phone? Your imaginary friends?"
So, what could be more ridiculous than an imitation car phone? Spray on Mud for your SUV (From The Ugly Expat, company site is here). The mind, it boggles.

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Today's quote:

"On the dogmas of religion, as distinguished from moral principles, all mankind, from the beginning of the world to this day, have been quarreling, fighting, burning and torturing one another, for abstractions unintelligible to themselves and to all others, and absolutely beyond the comprehension of the human mind."
~Karl Smith (famously plagiarized by Thomas Jefferson)

If you live in Taichung

Please go take this survey:

http://www.taiwanfun.com/ads/cstisoc.htm

Probably could have seen this one coming...

Props to KGB from this Debunkers link. Kent always finds all the coolest quizzes.

What military aircraft are you? B-52 Stratofortress You're a B-52. You are old and wise, and you absolutely love destruction. You believe in the principle of "peace through deterrence" and aren't afraid to throw your weight around.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

I don't know about the 'wise' part, but I guess I'd have to be either the B-52 or the C-130.

New Place for Taichung Chess

Chess knight (ha ha) is moving from Salut to FM, effective immediately. This is in spite of the fact that Bread looked so cute working behind the bar at Salut last night. Starting time is still 8:00-ish.

Rumblings of a new Texas Hold'em tournament here in Taichung. This time it will be held on subsequent Sundays- First round of tables resolved the first Sunday, winners' table played the following week. Entrance will be NT$2000. E-mail me or leave comment if you are interested.

Best Taichung quote of the week:

"I am so sick and tired of sexually frustrated white women"
-A very drunk PJ

There were some drunken scraps in Taichung over the last week, but nobody will tell me any details. I wonder why.

From The Exile, A Moscow based alternative newspaper:
Mister Big Unplugged

"You know, what we should have done with all those brave Muslim volunteers who helped boot the Russkies out of Afghanistan was hold a big victory banquet in Kabul, thank them all for their contribution to Liberty:and then nuke the banquet hall. It sounds cold-blooded, but if you want to rule the world you have to do some stuff you won't want to tell your grandkids about."

Just talked to Cynthia on Yahoo Messenger. She is in Luang Prabang. So now I know something I did not know this morning: There is a town in Laos called Luang Prabang. Intitial reports on Laos are positive, but I'm still saving my next vacation for someplace like Tokyo or Sydney. Or maybe Manilla. Or if the heavens decide to grant me an opportunity to experience the subtle beauty of the 30(b)(6) deposition, then I might hit Tampa.

There will be a drive-by shooting at La Terrasse soon

Because Terry just sent this out to a bunch of people. (Make sure the volume on your speakers is turned up)

I recommend we use shotguns.

The Simpsons do China

Linked from The Taipei Kid:

SIMPSON'S ULTRA PAN-GREEN-ISH EPISODE

Alright, somebody grab that file from the Bittorrent and send it to me.

Rain

It's raining hard. How hard is it raining? I had to tuck my jeans into my cowboy boots coming to work this morning. Fortunately, there are no real cowboys in Taiwan to call me out as a citified poseur. I'll just tell all my coworkers that all real cowboys tuck their jeans in their boots. Who will know?


In the news:
Lost Boys exiled by fundamentalist Mormon sect
More irresponsible crap from The Guardian. The Lost Boys were the scourge of Santa Carla, California, NOT Arizona and Utah. And don't tell me that they were wiped out in 1987- When David got impaled on those deer antlers, did you notice that he did not disintegrate like all the other vampires? You can't kill a vampire with deer antlers! I betcha Santa Carla is still plagued by vampires, though they are not the 'Lost Boys' any more. Now they are the 'Lost Middle Aged Guys with Mullets and Dangly Earrings'.

I only force choke you because I love you.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
The Abridged Script(TM)

Warning: Bad language, disrespect to George Lucas, anterior teleology

Religion

Just sent off the July article for The Taichung Voice. The month's topic is 'Theology'. I'm not sure that it was a particularly suitable topic for me to write about, but I guess Lance is thinking that it might be better to offend everyone equally than to only offend certain faiths. Anyway, I had to Google a whole bunch of stuff, so here are a bunch of links that I'm going to post here and then delete from my bookmarks. Red A, you had asked to see a couple of these, so I've tried to describe what some of them are. The links are not in any particular order.

Taiwan GIO Religion page- Has government stats for the number of members for the major religions in Taiwan. Note Tian De Jiao at #7, and the 53,000 Muslims in Taiwan.

Wikipedia on Metaphysics

Another GIO site on religion, with overlapping material from the first. I did not use the word 'syncretistic' in the article, but I think it's a pretty neat word, and most suitable to descibe Taiwanese approach to religion.

Taiwaninfo.org on religion I have been to Lukang a couple of times, and have never seen the Muslim influence there. But then again, I was never really looking for it.

GIO site, Religions (index)

God Wars: which memes will adapt and win the battle for humanity's devotion? Some odd Geocities site. Even I won't touch the religion-as-meme approach.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints page on Taiwan Number of members: 38,735 That's after 49 years of missionaries in Taiwan. Compare to the Phillipines: 526,180

Introduction to I-Kuan Tao

U.S. Department of State, Religious Freedom, Taiwan

The Presbyterian Church in Taiwan has been active in politics, particularly in the pro-independence movement, and maintains contact with some elements of the ruling Democratic Progressive Party.

Encyclopedia- Protestant Denominations

Google Image Search- Guan Gong

Sunday.

Ganked from Apostropher.

The Zompist Phrasebook.

"Der Page will mir kein Koks bringen."

I gotta remember that phrase next time I'm in Germany.

What a difference 7 years makes

In 1998, I flew from St Petersburg. to Taipei via Los Angeles and Seoul. When I arrived at the airport in St. Pete, I realized that I still had my Spyderco Endura* in my pocket. I showed it to the security guy at the gate, and asked him what I should do. He opened the blade, laid it across the palm of his hand, and said no problem- I could carry it on board. This is the knife:



And I have pretty big hands.

Fast forward to 2005. I'm flying from the Long Beach (CA) airport to Las Vegas, having arrived a few hours earlier from Taipei. On my keychain, I have a ratcheting bits driver. I am told in no uncertain terms that I cannot bring the tool onto the plane. I protest that even with my amazing kung-fu pirate skills, I would have a hard time using it as a weapon. I was told: "Sorry sir, no tools are allowed."

Here is the tool in question:



Times change. With an Endura, you could slaughter and dress out a water buffalo (or a pilot) if you had the need or inclination. With a ratcheting bits driver (and no bits), you could... quickly and efficiently remove any 1/4" hex fasteners you found. So that could be pretty dangerous, if modern airplanes are held together with 1/4" fasteners. Could be, I guess. I don't know much about airplanes.

* Thank you again Johnny Atomic.

Am I the Only One Who Finds this Weird?

Orthodox Jews United Against Zionism.

Just when I thought I'd heard of everything. Now somebody find me a site for Fundamentalist Muslims who support Isreal, and I'll call it a day. I cannot out-irony that. No way.

Glad *that* weekend is over

Let's be clear about a couple of points. 1) There was no Axis & Allies game on Saturday. Because it was... raining. Yeah that's it, the game was rained out. So I could not have possibly lost a game that did not occur. 2) There was no chess last night. Because I was... at church all night, in preparation for the, the thing we had do at church. Eucharist preparation, I think it was. So I absolutely could not have lost every single game of chess at Salut, since I wasn't there.

Last Saturday night there was a South African party at FM. I went there after the Axis & Allies game that did not happen. There was South African music, South African food, and intoxicated South African people. Not a bad shindig, as parties go.

Taichung report of Friday night, June 3

Ow, my head.

Went to the new pub/bar/whatever that opened upstairs from Frog. The band Baked Beans was playing. They are a country band. How much did I have to drink? Well, I danced to country music. That's how much I had to drink. Somebody please let Simon know that the vodka shots at 1:00AM were not, strictly speaking, necessary.

Odd thing last night. There was chili. And I ate a bowl. Now understand that when it comes to victuals and beverages, I am not what you would call picky. Is it made from a grain, carbonated, and contains alcohol? It's beer, and I'm not gonna get all hung up on things like flavor or formaldehyde content. Is it brown, hot, and contains caffeine? It's coffee, and I'll take four cups please, especially this morning. But for chili, I suddenly get imbued with this set of standards by which the chili must be evaluated. Not sure why this is, since I can't even cook my own chili any more, but they're there. Flavor, texture, consistently, spiciness, color, etc., even after four beers last night, I'm sitting there slowly eating this chili with a thoughtful look on my face... "Hmm. Bold, but not overbearing, with a touch of exotic sincerity." I don't think the chili would have won first prize at a U.S. chili contest, but it might have placed in the top five, which is pretty good for a chili in Taichung, Taiwan.

Imagine my shock to discover that the chili was made by Paddy. As in Canadian Paddy. As in, the Paddy that is not from the United States, because he is from Canada. So now I'm kind of conflicted. I ate chili made by a foreigner, and I liked it. A Canadian foreigner. Who made chili. That was pretty good. Go figure.

Police Brutality!

This incident happened Aug. 6, 2004 (in Florida, as you might expect), so I'm not sure why it hit Fark today. It is disturbing and funny at the same time. Here is some unsolicited advice from me- When a cop says:

"Get out of the car or I'm going to tase you."

Here are some good responses:

"Yes sir.", or "Yes Ma'am."
"Right away."
"OK."
"Sure thing."
"Where would you like me to stand?"

Here are some responses that aren't so good:

"Why?"
"I'm calling someone."
"I'm calling someone to let them know my situation."
"No."
"Why don't you go to hell, you goose-stepping fascist?"

Now let it not be said that I endorse police brutality, but justice is justice. The woman was clearly:

1) Driving a SUV
2) Speeding
3) Talking on a cellphone

So a solid tazing or two is in order. If she's transporting a bag of golf clubs in the back of the SUV, you could go ahead and mace her as well. Not even Aristotle would complain.

For more level-headed views on this issue, see Chris Rock, How Not to get you Ass Kicked by the Police
and
The Ferrett's story: The Man Who Knew his Rights