Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Hey CNN

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Looks like you're scraping the bottom of the expert barrel there.




This guy was about as articulate as an angry Sleestak.

Monday, June 27, 2016

Brexit

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A lot of my American and Taiwanese friends don't know what to make of the Brexit thing, because they lack context and perspective. Fortunately, I'm real knowledgeable about British politics, history, and culture, and this can be easily verified by my use of the Oxford Comma in this sentence.

Here is the situation: In order to resolve the current political crisis, the House of Lords will need to petition the Queen and ask her to invoke the Magna Carta. This will cause the Tories and the Conservatives to form an alliance, and the Labor Party will move to bolster its public image by increasing funding for the NHS. This will be done by increasing taxes on tea, and will be met with stiff opposition by Professor McGonagall.

Then things will get messy. As the BBC and Buckingham Palace trade accusations of impropriety, the Roundheads will ambush Wimbleton, getting 236 runs and losing 5 wickets. The plans for a new referendum will be vetoed by Churchill, while Northern Ireland takes move to stockpile its precious reserves of haggis.

The most likely conclusion to these events will be bloodshed, with Alfred, Lord Tennyson being beheaded by Lancelot in Trafalgar Square.




Thursday, June 23, 2016

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"In Latin, the nominative plural of status as a 4th declension noun is statūs. This would be uncomfortable in English, and so the English plural is statuses."

More uncomfortable than "statuses?" Don't think so.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Office Dialogue

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Karl: "Hey Clyde. I can't find any mention of Feature X in the documentation. But it's a commonly used feature when managing network switches, and it's in the last couple of firmware builds.

Clyde the Software Engineer: "Feature X? Oh yes. That feature has... some limitations."

Karl: *thinks about this for a second*
Karl: "When you say 'It has some limitations,' do you mean 'Sometimes it doesn't work and you're not sure why?'"

Clyde the Software Engineer: "Yes, that is exactly what I mean."

Karl: "OK, got it."

Back in My Day

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Religious Leaders were a lot more persnickety about that whole nudie magazine thing.




Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Chinese Tips from Chaon

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Hey kids, eventually you might reach a point in you Chinese ability where you think to yourself: "Self, my spoken Chinese is pretty hot. And studying Chinese characters is boring as all hell. And how often will I need to write Chinese anyway? Not very often indeed. Screw it. I'm done learning characters."

And then years later you'll be typing a quick note in your basic Chinese, and you'll run into a problem like this one:

Where is the goddamn character for "pa?"

And you will scroll through the characters suggested by Google for ten minutes before you ask a coworker for help, and they point out that there is no such thing.

So kids, stay in ... Chinese character school. Or whatever it's called.

Trivia You Didn't Want to Know

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This movie:


takes place in the Blade Runner universe. The super soldiers who replace Kurt Russel and the others in his battalion are Replicants.

I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I suppose it's going to turn out to be "angry."

Tones

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If you get carsick easily, you might want to go to a pharmacist and ask for some 避暈藥(bì yūn yào). But if you screw up the middle tone, you might accidentally ask for避孕藥 (Bìyùn yào). Then there will be some awkward explaining to do. 

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Beetroot in Taipei

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南門市場 - Nanmen Market Basement. The stand on the left. You'll have to ask (Tiáncài gēn), because they are kept in the refrigerator in back.


Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Yes, I know

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It is true. The year 2019 will be here before we know it. And I do live in a rainy city of steel and glass. It is often dark here, and most days I do not know if the darkness is because of the pollution or because of the never-ending rain. Thinking about it, I guess it is both. It doesn't really matter - bright neon signs give the streets plenty of light when the sun cannot.

But the similarities end there. Well, mostly end there. The language we speak is not a mixture of English, Spanish and Japanese. It is a mixture of English, Taiwanese, and Chinese. The economy is not dominated by one huge corporation, it is dominated by several huge corporations.

As to the other part of your assertion - it's just ridiculous. I have memories. I have lots of frie... people that know me. I have worked at this company for almost four years, and the boss says I am the best worker. Look at all of these photographs I have! I cherish these photos, because they are a chronicle of my natural life. I don't remember when all of them were taken, and I don't recognize some,,, well most of the people in the pictures, but that's just old age. People, real people, forget things you know?

And yeah, I am different in many ways from my coworkers. They don't entirely understand me, nor I them. But we get along very well I think. If you asked any of the people in this company to describe me, I'm sure they would say that I am a nice guy, and definitely human. They certainly wouldn't call me a Replicant.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Thursday, June 09, 2016

Hey Albania

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Get it together guys.


You've got the most metal flag in Europe, get some more bands to go with it.


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Look, if Paul Ryan is now a SJW, then who's next? Newt Gingrich? Rush Limbaugh? Attilla the Hun?