Thursday, August 06, 2015

So I'm sitting on the bus,

and the young guy next to me is reading a math textbook. I notice that it's in English, so I decide to read over his shoulder for a bit. If the youngster seems to be having difficulty, perhaps I can help him out, what with me being real good at math and all. I check the title of the chapter being currently read:
"Model Structure of the Coxian Phase Type Distribution"
You know what? It's probably better if I let the kid study on his own. It's not good for students to become overly dependent on others.

Monday, August 03, 2015

Just say no to meth

or you might end up like Pac Man.


...I do not own a Blender of Oblivion. So I will have to improvise with my Food Processor of Annihilation.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Star Wars: Episode VII?

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Thursday, July 16, 2015

This Blog

You're number one source for the hottest demotivational pomelo spider action.

(It's a niche market, but I'll take it)

Operation Jade Helm!

Need to take this opportunity to say goodbye to all my friends in Texas. As I understand things, today is the day where you all get sent off to the prison mines.

But you can trust in Chaon: This time next year, I will light a candle to remember you by by which to remember you. But to be honest, it will be one of those cheap tea candles my wife buys at IKEA. So it will probably only burn for a short time before sputtering out, similar to the feeble and short-lived armed resistance Texans were able to put up against the occupying forces.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Well I reckon

That guy must have been pretty tough. If I died after being shot by Denver police, I probably wouldn't have the energy to do much more.

Tuesday, July 07, 2015

How can they Nazi the problem?

I saw pictures of this place on Twitter a week or so ago. Turns out the store (or at least one branch) is a 15 minute walk from my house in Banqiao.

Whoa whoa whoa Chotto matte

Yes, it is true that "Giant robots are Japanese culture." But "achieving wanton destruction through ridiculously expensive and impractical hardware" is American culture. Proof.

Just walk away, Kogoro San. Walk away.

Monday, July 06, 2015

The Names of Chaon

Chaon has many names, and is also known in various parts of the world as "Bearstomper," the "Frost Giant with Bad Hair," "Señor Paddlebottom,"  "Karl," "Tall Karl," "That Guy that Never Brings Enough Beer to the Party," and "Ole Blacklung."

But I do not recall ever being referred to as "Jehovah."