Monday, August 03, 2015

Just say no to meth

or you might end up like Pac Man.


...I do not own a Blender of Oblivion. So I will have to improvise with my Food Processor of Annihilation.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Star Wars: Episode VII?

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Thursday, July 16, 2015

This Blog

You're number one source for the hottest demotivational pomelo spider action.

(It's a niche market, but I'll take it)

Operation Jade Helm!

Need to take this opportunity to say goodbye to all my friends in Texas. As I understand things, today is the day where you all get sent off to the prison mines.

But you can trust in Chaon: This time next year, I will light a candle to remember you by by which to remember you. But to be honest, it will be one of those cheap tea candles my wife buys at IKEA. So it will probably only burn for a short time before sputtering out, similar to the feeble and short-lived armed resistance Texans were able to put up against the occupying forces.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Well I reckon

That guy must have been pretty tough. If I died after being shot by Denver police, I probably wouldn't have the energy to do much more.

Tuesday, July 07, 2015

How can they Nazi the problem?

I saw pictures of this place on Twitter a week or so ago. Turns out the store (or at least one branch) is a 15 minute walk from my house in Banqiao.

Whoa whoa whoa Chotto matte

Yes, it is true that "Giant robots are Japanese culture." But "achieving wanton destruction through ridiculously expensive and impractical hardware" is American culture. Proof.

Just walk away, Kogoro San. Walk away.

Monday, July 06, 2015

The Names of Chaon

Chaon has many names, and is also known in various parts of the world as "Bearstomper," the "Frost Giant with Bad Hair," "Señor Paddlebottom,"  "Karl," "Tall Karl," "That Guy that Never Brings Enough Beer to the Party," and "Ole Blacklung."

But I do not recall ever being referred to as "Jehovah."

Saturday, July 04, 2015

Sorry Donald,

but I can't boycott a place at which I do not shop.

But I'll tell you what, if Wild West Mercantile ever gets "weak on border security," (whatever that means) you just let me know. Because I've probably got too many vests anyway.

Friday, July 03, 2015

Hey Wolfram Alpha

It's me again. Last time we spoke, I pointed out that your estimation of the top speed of the CAC Sabre was probably a bit optimistic.

Well, you seem to have sorted that out, but you've still got the Sikorsky S-72 climbing at 183,000 meters per minute, which is almost 11,000 km/hour. I think you might be confusing the S-72 with the Havoc (Imperial-class) Star Destroyer, which was known for its high acceleration capabilities.

Thursday, July 02, 2015

Deja Vu Restaurant Taipei

Long time readers of this blog will know that I am not inclined to say positive things about any person, business, or aspect of human existence. We'll be making an exception today - last night I had dinner at Deja Vu. This is the restaurant owned by Jay Chou, who I know only from the Green Hornet movie (which sucked), and the song Nunchucks (which is pretty cool).

Anyway, Deja Vu was great in all respects. Good food, outstanding service, and unbeatable price. Bonus: There was a Batmobile inside the restaurant, which nicely accented the gothic-steampunk decor.

I'm using this picture from the website I linked to because
I screwed up the exposure in all the pics I took myself. 

Monday, June 29, 2015


"Hey Karl. Endorse Rick Perry for president."

"Fuck you. I'm not endorsing Rick Perry. He doesn't bring enough Florida to the political game."

"Come on. Endorse Rick Perry."

"Hell no."

"Karl, endorse Rick Perry or we are going to force you to ride the Tourbillon."

"Ride the WHAT?"


"Oh dear God. OK, I firmly endorse Rick Perry for president and emperor and king of everything please please please do not make me ride that.