Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Another Piece of Red


I was reading in New Zealand about Ian Smith
I was thinking they were lucky to be rid of that shit.
The people here can still believe in stiff lips and stiff collars
They're speaking deals in English
But they're making deals in dollars.
They're breaking up an empire
Nobody's buying British
They're calling for an umpire
Nobody's playing cricket
The flags are coming down everybody stands saluting
But somewhere in the distance, I can hear somebody shooting.

And another piece of red left my atlas today.

It's so long Hong Kong and no more Singapore
Those steaming nights of Malta
Goodbye Gibraltar
I'll give you arms for Africa
I'm hungry for India
The sun's set on Australia
And vive le Canada
Theyre breaking up an empire
Nobody's buying British
Calling for an umpire
It really isn't cricket
The flags are coming down
There's a minimum of looting
Somewhere in the distance I can see somebody shooting
And another piece of red left my atlas today.........

-Boomtown Rats, from the album Mondo Bongo

Well that's good.



Finally! Non-GMO salt.

Because my whole life I've been eating only genetically modified salt. And quite frankly, I think it has led to some pretty serious health problems.



I just hope that this salt is also free-range. When I think about those helpless salt crystals growing up in tiny little cages on corporate factory farms, it makes me want to cry.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Friday, September 12, 2014

Fine, I admit it.

The Daan Park MRT Station is much nicer than Banqiao's.


The Foresight of Fred Rogers



暴力循環




Hey Taipei

I'm not an expert in pollution or river ecologies, but this can't be good, can it?





From Banqiao to Gongguan, the Xindian Creek is full of tens of thousands of dead fish. I didn't even know there were that many fish in that creek. The smell is pretty bad, so the die-off is a couple of days old, I guess. 

Anybody know what's going on? 

Tuesday, September 09, 2014



I received a letter in the mail:

"...For you and your family to enjoy a convenient life, the Taichung City Government organizes a series of life adaptation and vocational training classes every year in the hope of helping you get acclimated to Taiwan’s local customs as soon as possible, as well as helping you develop professional skill essential for the workplace... "

So thanks to Mayor Jason Hu, pretty soon I will be acclimated to local customs, AND I will have essential professional skill. So that's good.

Monday, September 01, 2014

The Curse of Scomargo


“My pleasures diminish by the day! Do you know why this is, Austinite? Can you tell me why strange feelings now come over me, dampening my strongest moments, weakening me and casting me down when I should be elated, when I should be filled with joy? Is this the curse of the Scomargo?”


Friday, August 29, 2014

The only way...











...to stop a bad guy with a bag full of severed heads is a good guy with a bag full of severed heads.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Am I the only one...

...Who thought that peanut butter mixed with white chocolate would taste... I don't know, good?

Yes, yes, some of you will say that I should have been tipped off by the text that reads 'All Natural', because that is Latin for 'tastes gross'. But come on man, *white chocolate*!

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Looks Legit

I can tell it's real because they have a Phishing Policy.



But Officer...



...I can't really move at all without *someone* construing it as a "menacing encroachment."


I’m a cop. If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t challenge me.

"Even though it might sound harsh and impolitic, here is the bottom line: if you don’t want to get shot, tased, pepper-sprayed, struck with a baton or thrown to the ground, just do what I tell you."

The converse is, I suppose, that if a cop wants to shoot me, taze me, pepper-spray me, baton-strike me, or throw me to the ground, all he has to do is say that I didn't do what he told me?

Sounds risky. I will (continue to) pass. America, y'all go ahead and continue to meekly obey the constabulary, lest ye be mercilessly pummeled for inadequate subservience.







Sunday, August 17, 2014

Just one Pepsi

I was searching for the song 'Body Count' by Ice T's band of the same name. Found this instead. Not only am I not even mad, I'm going to buy the song.












Global Times Wins China’s Top Satire Award

My entries were pretty solid, but I still can't top the masters at Global Times. I'll try harder next year.



Global Times Wins China’s Top Satire Award | Ministry of Harmony