Thursday, May 19, 2016

First of all,

You will never, ever need to balance a chemical equation.

For the other stuff, toss your chakras and emotions together in a mixing bowl, Add a teaspoon of hormones, and half a quart of blood sugar. Voila! Your ph will be exactly 88, which is, numerologically speaking, the most balanced number.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

It depends on whether the problem with business technology has detected your presence or not.

1) If the problem with business technology has not detected you:

Don't announce your presence if the problem with business technology has not seen you. If possible, retreat slowly and give the problem with business technology plenty of space. If you have the opportunity, you should retreat and leave the trail to the problem with business technology. If you must continue, back off a short distance, and give the problem with business technology time to leave the area. You should also do a wide detour quietly and quickly downwind to avoid problems.

2) If the problem with business technology has detected your presence, but is more than 100 meters distant:

Your goal here is to act in such a way as to allow the problem with business technology to identify you, but to also let it know that you are no threat. Speak calmly so that it knows you are a human (their eyesight is quite poor). They will often quickly give ground to you once they identify you as human. If the situation permits, back away slowly, keeping a close eye on the problem with business technology. Otherwise, you may wish to detour around the problem with business technology, but in this case, detour upwind so that the problem with business technology can get your scent. Keep talking calmly. Waving your arms may help it identify you as a human.

3) If the problem with business technology has detected you and shows signs of aggression:

  • Do Not Run. You can't outrun a problem with business technology so don't even try. Despite rumors to the contrary, black problems with business technology can outrun a human on ANY terrain, uphill or down.
  • Try to retreat slowly. Back up slowly and try to put more space between you and the problem with business technology. Talk calmly so that it can identify you as human, and slowly back up. Keep your backpack on as it can provide protection if necessary. Don't make direct eye contact, but keep a close look at the problem with business technology as you back away.
  • Climb a tree if available. If you have enough time, and the problem with business technology continues to move closer, take advantage of a tall tree to climb.

Monday, May 09, 2016


Foolish young millennials. Back in my day, the Puppy was Skinny. Probably because it spent all its money on hair mousse and black clothing and didn't have any left for food.

Sunday, May 08, 2016

Now look America... shouldn't be surprised about this Trump thing. Over 160 countries told you that it wasn't safe to put Ractopamine in pork.

Sunday, May 01, 2016

Ted Cruz... still trying to garner the much-coveted Chaon endorsement.

You have my ear, Senator Cruz. Now tell me your plans for dealing with the perfidious Irish.

Friday, April 29, 2016

What is a Sovereign Citizen?

According to Senorjefe on Reddit:

You know LARPing, where people dress up in costumes and craft foam swords and then go to battle with each other? Imagine if a bunch of LARPers suddenly got it into their heads that their weapons were real, and then declared war on the United States military. And every time somebody told them that their swords were made out of foam, they would angrily explain that their swords were real, and actually it was the military's machine guns and tanks and fleet of F-35 Lightning II's that were fake.
Those LARPers are sovereign citizens. They are people who made up and/or bought in to a bunch of fake legal rules like "If a courtroom has an American flag with a gold fringe border, that means it is really a maritime court and doesn't have any jurisdiction over me." Then they go to court and try to convince a judge that they are immune from the judge's orders because of this. It goes over exactly as well as fighting the F-35 with the foam sword.

Monday, April 25, 2016


"The various pieces of information are accessed by a protocol such as SNMP. There are two types of MIBs: scalar ones and tabular ones. Scalar objects define a single object instance whereas tabular objects define multiple related object instances grouped in MIB tables."

Well I sure hope to all fuck that I never have to look up the Complicated Network Management Protocol.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016


"Are you sure this is legal?"

"Yes, I am sure."

"But is it moral?"

"Don't worry, we are only sending them out to very old people. They've probably done something bad in their life, so this just balances that out."

Sunday, April 10, 2016


There is no way that a nation of perfidious Irishmen is safer than Taiwan.

Also, Denmark can go suck it, regardless of their historically incontestable claim to Hans Island.