Ya Know...

I've sent some threatening letters concerning intellectual property rights in my time, mostly patent, a few trademark. But I never got the chance to say "during which I will be using digital forensics to establish actual trademark damages". We calculated trademark damages the old-fashioned way: by calculating unreasonably large numbers using hopelessly unrealistic sales and brand value numbers that looked good to us.

This Charles Carrion guy is better than any of the online comics I follow, mostly because he is more prolific, and  vastly more absurd.