Tuesday, July 26, 2005

The Bread Pool

As we all know, our beloved Bread will be leaving us at the end of this week. He'll be leaving for good this time, not like a couple of weeks ago when he left us to go travel in China, only to remember 5 days into his trip "Oh yeah! Traveling in China SUCKS!". At which point he promptly returned to Taichung and asked me if he could borrow my ip address.*

So at poker last Friday night, we discussed some of the difficulties Bread will face upon his return to the U.S. in pursuit of a graduate degree. To recap, he will have to deal with:

-Cigarettes that cost a bazillion dollars a pack, and the fact that if you dare light one in any location other than your basement, people'll stare at you like yer a leper.
-American conservatives; i.e., "We are fighting terrorists in Iraq so we won't have to fight them in another place until they're better trained and 9/11 to the war on terror so for Patriotism we'll have to give up some of the freedoms that the terrorists hate us for. "
- American liberals; i.e., "George Bush and his oil family cronies were involved with 9/11 planning and Karl Rove committed treason to fund Haliburton and there is a proven conspiracy between Cheney, Blair and the Illuminati to crush Democracy and did you know it takes all the water in Lake Michigan to produce enough beef for five hamburgers?"
-American women, who will (by and large) not be too receptive to Bread's only pickup line: "Hi there. I've got a condom with your name on it."
-American college students. American. Undergraduate. College Students. From Montana. Duuude, kegs! and like, whoa...
-and many other obstacles including but not limited to: paying taxes, Wal Mart, religious fundamentalists and The O'Reilly Factor.

Now while we all wish Bread success in his educational foray, we have to face facts: There is a possibility that he will say 'screw it' and come back to The Chung. And where there is possibility, there is probability. And where there is probability, there is gambling. As he has demonstrated in the past that he is conversant with Pragmatist philosophy, we can assume that Bread will not object to...

The Bread Pool

Everyone throws in NT$200, and picks a date for Bread's return to Taichung. Add a brief synopsis of the factors leading up to his return, 'cause it'll be funnier that way. Here's mine:

Dumb undergraduates + Patchouli oil + Bumper stickers + Montana winter= Return date of February 5, 2006.

Leave predictions in the comments. Pay me NT$200 anytime, but before Feb. 5 of next year.

* Really. That's what he said.

11 comments:

Kevlar said...

I think he is tired of talking to girls with black silky hair. He craves Women who can answer " Where is the Buger King?". I'm picking spring break with some kinda of Chinese new year overlap.. Some Asian exchange student with rich parents Will spring for the ticket and he will pop in and out of Taichung. Probably Eat at Ruth Chris and then call us from the Splendor to come buy for a quick glass of Makers Mark. Exact dates I'll get back to you.

Anonymous said...

re:american liberals. I KNEW IT!

Bread said...

just to let everyone know, i am planning on returning for a week next summer to celebrate eiher aj or jim's wedding (assuming their girls don't run away on them and assuming they contact me with dates)...so that particular event probably shouldn't count towards your pool. but if we get to like 2008 and i still haven't returned, do i get the money? karl knows i am cheap and will stay away just to collect...

Karl said...

Based on past observations, if someone stays away for two years, then they're not coming back. But in your case, coming back at the two-year mark would have you arriving in Taiwan at the beginning of August. Since no sane person would voluntarily come to Taiwan at the beginning of August, we'll say October 1, 2007 is your cutoff date. And visits of under a month do not count as returning.

Red A said...

Once he has his degree, he could come back and teach college here, so that has to count, too.

I am going for a date when he realizes its sunny in Taiwan but still snowing in Montana: Marrch 15, 2006.

Karl said...

Isn't Brett's grad degree going to be in Bunny Hugging or something? What would he teach here?

Red A said...

He'll teach English, but at the university level where all the students are fair game.

Robin said...

My wife wants to know what the two of us could teach with JD's.

And she says that college girls ain't fair game for me.

Kevlar said...

Bread was looking to set up a foreign bunny hugging exchange program. University students could participate in the junior year abroad in Montana. He just needs an acronymn. He recommends applicants enrole. Help improve international relations with extensive oral exams and intensive conversation topics. All applicants welcome. photos must be Sent to the Taiwan Montana review board. WWW.nihowdy.blogspot.com
Nurses with nature experience are elligible for a bursary and enterance to the excellerated program..

Robin said...

Great idea, every college student should go elk hunting in Montana.

Anonymous said...

So Bread doesn't have to go buffalo hunting. Ta-Tonka