The Taichung City government has issued a citywide safety alert. Taichung residents are warned to be on the lookout for Shenanigans, which are expected to hit the city early this evening. The Shenanigans are said to be nearly 203cm tall, and are approaching the city at a speed of 315 km/h (196 mph). Civil defense forces are on high alert, and Mayor Jason Hu has vowed to deal sternly with the situation, as part of his broader campaign against Tomfoolery in general. If left unchecked, the Shenanigans could escalate to Outrageous Shenanigans, or in a worst-case scenario, Drunken Shenanigans. Residents are urged to take care.