Friday, December 11, 2009

Dry Run

One week ago, I went to Taipei on business and to buy stuff at City’super. On Tuesday, November the 17th, I returned home. If you read the papers the 18th you may have seen a blurb where a EVA Air flight was cancelled from Taipei to Taichung due to a man who refused to get off of his cell phone before takeoff. It was on Next Media.

This was NOT what happened.

I was in 1st class coming home. 11 Chinese men got on the plane in full attire. 2 sat in 1st class and the rest peppered themselves throughout the plane all the way to the back.

As the plane taxied to the runway the stewardesses gave the safety spiel we are all so familiar with. At that time, one of the men got on his cell and called one of his companions in the back and proceeded to talk on the phone in Putonghua very loudly and very aggressively. This took the 1st stewardess out of the picture for she repeatedly told the man that cell phones were not permitted at the time. He ignored her as if she was not there.

The 2nd man who answered the phone did the same and this took out the 2nd stewardess. In the back of the plane at this time, 2 younger KMT flunkies, one in the back aisle, and one in front of him, window, began to show footage of a porno they had taped the night before, and were very loud about it. Now….they are only permitted to do this with permission from the Bamboo Union. If a KMT man goes into a KTV, he has to view the woman via mirror with the top of his head to her. (don’t ask me….I don’t make the rules, but I’ve studied) The 3rd stewardess informed them that they were not to have electronic devices on at this time. To which one of the men said “shut up Taiwanese Pig!” She went to take the camcorder and he began to scream in her face in Putonghua. At that exact moment, all 11 of them got up and started to walk the cabin.

This is where I had had enough! I got up and started to the back where I heard a voice behind me from another Taichunger half my size say “Wa tin li a.” I grabbed the man who had been on the phone by the arm and said “Sit your moon-faced gongfei ass down in that seat” As I “led” him around me to take his seat, the fellow Taichunger grabbed him by the back of his neck and his waist and headed out with him. I then grabbed the 2nd man and said, “You WILL do the same!” He protested but adrenaline was flowing now and he was going to go. As I escorted him forward the plane doors open and 3 APB (Airport Police Bureau) agents and 4 national police officers entered. Me and my new Taichunger friend were told to cease and desist for they had this under control. I was happy to oblige actually. There was some commotion in the back, but within moments, all 11 were escorted off the plane. They then unloaded their luggage.

We talked about the occurrence and were in disbelief that it had happen, when suddenly, the door opened again and on walked all 11!! Stone faced, eyes front and robotic, (the only way I can describe it), and smelling of cabbage. The stewardess from the back had been in tears and when she saw this, she was having NONE of it! Being that I was up front, I heard and saw the whole ordeal. She told the APB agent there was NO WAY she was staying on the plane with these men. The agent told her they had searched them and were going to go through their luggage with a fine tooth comb and that they were allowed to proceed to Taichung. The captain and co-captain came out and told the agent “we and our crew will not fly this plane!” After a word or two, the entire crew, luggage in tow, left the plane. 5 minutes later, the cabin door opened again and a whole new crew walked on.

Again…..this is where I had had enough!!! I got up and asked “What the hell is going on!?!?” I was told to take my seat. They were sorry for the delay and I would be home shortly. I said “I’m getting off this plane”. The stewardess sternly told me that she could not allow me to get off. (now I’m mad!) I said “I am in all likelihood a grown man who bought this ticket, whose time is mine with a ninja at home and I am going through that door, or I’m going through that door with you under my arm!! But I am going through that door!!” And I heard a voice behind me say “so am I”. Then everyone behind us started to get up and say the same. Within 2 minutes, I was walking off that plane where I was met with more agents who asked me to write a statement. I had 5 hours to kill at this point so why the hell not. Due to the amount of people who got off that flight, it was cancelled. I was supposed to be in Taichung at 6pm. I got here at 12:30am.

Look up the date. Flight 297 Taipei to Taichung .

If this wasn’t a dry run, I don’t know what one is. The Chicoms wanted to see how APB would handle it, how the crew would handle it, and how the passengers would handle it.

I’m telling this to you because I want you to know….

The threat is real. I saw it with my own eyes….



Red A said...

"and smelling of cabbage"

like they just fell off the cabbage wagon?

trade dress infringement from my blog post. (coleslaw clause invoked.)

You owe me one beer.

Karl said...

Sorry man, but no. In order for you to prove trade dress infringement, you need to show that your trade dress had achieved 'secondary meaning in the market'. Since I flagrantly copied your idea a mere ten minutes after you posted it, there is no possibility of said secondary meaning being established.

However, in the interests of avoiding lengthy and expensive litigation, I accept your settlement offer (with no formal admission that any infringement has occurred). In fact, in the spirit of mutual cooperation going forward, I'll double it to two beers. Two cheap beers. Two cheap Taiwan beers that have skunked in the trunk of my car.

spencer said...

Crazy story man. So if it was a dry run like you say, what would they be preparing for? Nefarious...

Karl said...

So crazy it just might... be a spoof. Saw this on Snopes:

spencer said...

ha ha, well good story nonetheless. I gotta learn to read between the lines!