Or maybe parabolic

Here is a product recommendation for my dear, sweet friends over at Ni Howdy. Fellas, go ahead and stock up on these. Then instead of being the Nihowdies, you'll be the Nihownads.

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In religious news, the Pope says that there is only one true church, and you can guess which one it is.

The other communities "cannot be called 'churches' in the proper sense" because they do not have apostolic succession -

Well maybe not, Mr. Pope. But my church has hyperbolic, vitriolic and alcoholic succession. So logically, my church is three times truer than yours.

The topic reminds of the following oldie but goodie, which was posted in the corresponding Fark thread:

A Cardinal bursts into the Pope's chambers. "Your Grace, I have good news and bad news."

"What's the good news?"

"Our Lord has returned to the Earth and will take control of His one true church. He's on the phone and wishes to talk to you."

"What a blessed day! What's the bad news?"

"He's calling from Salt Lake City."