Chewin in the Chung

Well, I still haven't opened a bar, but Dwayne has. Philly Jim called me yesterday to get get Jim Edstein's phone number, so it looks like Dwayne is making the first efforts to get a satellite system in for sports goodness. And Fubar is not too bad a name for a pub, I think. Not as good as Knight Moves, but not too bad.


Sort of in the news, there is a movie called Brokeback Mountain, which is... a gay cowboy movie? I'm not sure, but I know that it was directed by Ang Lee, who usually does pretty good stuff. And anyway, it has been long established on this blog that I am not a cowboy. Then, some theater in Utah has cancelled it's showing of the movie, sparking an immediate flamewar on Fark. Fox's John Gibson says that Brokeback Mountain is a gay agenda movie. So I'm pretty perplexed all the way around. First, what is this 'gay agenda'? Is it some kind of nefarious homosexual plot to make me brush my hair once in a while and not wear the same pair of jeans for 15 days running? Because if it is, I'm against it. Second, in the article about the Utah theater, there is a quote from someone in the Utah Eagle Forum. What do you have to do to get your own forum? 'Cause I think I ought to have one. Can it still be an Eagle Forum if the members are not real big fans of Nascar? Maybe my forum should use some other animal, like a wombat. The Taiwan Wombat Forum. Or the Taiwan Hippopotamus Forum. Hippos are so totally cool I can't stand it. Third, how controversial can a movie about forbidden love between cowboys be? Not very, I say. I am working on a screenplay about an illicit love affair between a Protoss Zealot and a Terran Goliath. It will be a pretty awesme movie, because it has all that weepy love stuff about star-crossed lovers and how society won't let them be together, which means chicks will dig it. But unlike usual love stories of this type, this movie will also have Reavers mowing down thousands of zerglings, Plasma cannons, and marines. I'm still working on the title. And the dialogue. Actually, all I've go so far is this:

Protoss Zealot: "I long for combat!"
Terran Goliath: "Go ahead tac-com."
[They embrace]

I hope they spell my name right on the Oscar.


Lastly, in the above-mentioned Fark flamewar, I saw this post by Lusiphur:

Get in a car and drive it at 200mph for 500 miles with 42 others on the track with you at the same time and only an inch or two between you most of the time. Then, make sure you have 10 competent friends in the pits that can give you a full tank of gas, 4 new tires and also have the ability to adjust the suspension all within 13-15 seconds.


Which is just like, say, F1 or endurance racing, or LeMans, except you're driving in a circle. It's the special olympics of motorsports. Everything you described is not unique to NASCAR, those principles are fundamental to just about every discipline of auto racing. Only difference? Cars running technology that's 10 years out of date, rules that stifle any real creativity for either the driver or the mechanics, and an oval instead of a track with real turns. Why do you think they only allow domestics into NASCAR? Because if Audi or BMW or Honda built a stock car, it would blow the pushrods off of anything currently in the series.

The Special Olympics of motorsports? Heh heh heh.