I'm not gay. I mean, all of the readers of this blog know me, and can attest that I am a powerhouse of manly macho non-gay masculinity. If fact, I'm pretty sure that anthropologists refer to me as "The Alpha-Male of Taichung". Because I am so not gay and all.

So what in the hell is wrong with all of these internet quizzes?


or:



or:




or:

You are EXACTLY 40% GAY.

Now lets evaluate your quiz results:

Please be careful with this Valuable information as you are too young to be taking this test.

Not so good score. You are not gay, but at this point, other people start to have a hard time seeing that you aren't gay.


You know, seeing these malicious lies being put forth by some irresponsible web people makes me so angry I could weep and stamp my foot.

Here are the links to the quizzes, in case you are um.. curious:

Channel 4's Gay-O-Meter

How wicked gay are you?

The "How Gay are You" Test

The Burly Adventurer

Faxtoons.com Gay Quiz

From Fark:
Woman convicted of rape.

The man testified that he fell asleep on a sofa and woke up to find the woman performing oral sex on him.

Well, I bet that man was dressing provocatively and leading the woman on.

This post never existed. You may think that there had been a post here, but you are mistaken. And it turns out there is no such word as 'titsplitter' anyway.

Ya know, I'm not generally a big fan of Donald Rumsfeld. Someone will ask him a hardass question, and he will "Goodness gracious" and "Folksy homily" his way out of it. But let it not be said that I don't give credit where credit is due. When Daniel Inouye started political posturing by bringing up the possibility of conscription, Rumsfeld said:

"I think the only people who could conceivably be talking about a draft are people who are speaking from pinnacles of near-perfect ignorance."

Pinnacles of near-perfect ignorance. Oh Donny boy, how I wish I had said that.

And for young Americans who are concerned about the possibility of a draft, there are two key points to keep in mind. 1) Donald Rumsfeld does not want a draft. He already got in trouble last year for saying that with all the deferrals, the draft did not make an effective military force in Vietnam. Pissed a bunch of Vietnam vets off. 2) If you are a young American, go join the Air force, or the Coast Guard, or the Peace corps. Do not come to Taiwan. If you are looking to avoid war, Taiwan might not be the best place to be for the next couple of years.

A message to Lance (Of The Taichung Voice) and Paul (Previously of The Londoner and soon to be of The Londoner II?), from Dan "Master of Subtlety and Understatement" Ritco:

The longest f***ing river in North America is NOT the f***ing Mississippi River. It is the f***ing Mackenzie f***ing River in f***ing Canada. Any f***ing geographer who's f***ing degree is worth the f***ing paper it is f***ing printed on, knows that the length of a river is measured from it's source to it's mouth, without f***ing counting the f***ing tributaries. Your erroneous opinions on this matter simply demonstrate that you are a ****** ** ********* ******** ********** *****. Please research and adjust your views accordingly.

AJ and Sian have opened a branch of the My Warm Day breakfast chain. It is located at No. 111, Zi Li Street. That is near the intersections of Lin Sen and Wu Chuan Rds. Contact me if you need further directions, because it is kind of a pain to describe how to get there. Coffee is good and in big cups. I'm working through the breakfast menu and will report later.

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Remember the Anti-Japan protests in China last week? Here is a video of a Chinese woman who got caught driving a Japanese car near one of the protests. Linked from the Peking Duck, who has done a good job of following these events.

Dangerous hackers out there. Be careful.

Might even be funnier in German. Don't know. Don't speak German.

Just to show that the Taichung blogosphere has disturbing shades of Orwellianism, the news missive that was here has been replaced by this delightful link:

The Aracta Eye Police Log