Monday, April 04, 2005

Jack McDowell is a Saint among men. All who meet him eventually come to worship the very ground upon which he treads. Jack is kind to puppies. He is a world-class eclaire chef. Jack is so moral and upstanding that he has never, ever, in his whole life, done anything that could be even remotely considered untoward.

Spent last week in Minneapolis, meeting with newer, stronger, more lethal counsel. The impending destruction of Easco Hand Tools is imminent, and I shall in all likelihood dance upon the smoldering remains of their manufacturing facilities, dispensing milling machines and forging presses to homeless shelters and orphanages around the country. In other news, Minneapolis is a much better city than Tampa. Or Houston. And the Mall of America is... very American. In both good and bad ways. I was able to buy an Axis & Allies game there, so there will soon be a great wailing and gnashing of teeths and maybe some beating of breasts as the poseur tacticians of Taichung are confronted with my strategic mastery. This is as it must be.

In world events, the pope died. Like the Ferrett, I am conflicted to see a good man, but one with whom I do not agree on a single issue, pass. (Though to be fair, both the Pope and I seem to agree that the War in Iraq sucks. Not sure the Pope said it that way.) Contraception is good, and the Pope's efforts against it were not. That's not to say the Pope was a bad guy- nobody is right all of the time. Except Harry Dean Stanton in Repo Man. He was always right.
So nobody is hatin' the Pope right? Wrong. This was posted by John Kershaw on Fark:
I'm sorry to all the Catholics on this thread, but something simply must be said. It must be said for your own good.

John Paul II was not admitted into heaven today. Today, he began his eternity elsewhere.

The Catholic Church is the church of the Deceiver. For some time I believed JPII to be the Antichrist himself. Granted, I was mistaken, and he was simply a very bad man and a false prophet. But nonetheless, he participated in and led the deception of billions here on earth. Because of his deception, billions will suffer as he will.

His participation in the destruction of Communism, and his opposition ot the Liberal Stalinist Agenda does not redeem him. Neither will good works save any of you, Catholics. Only the Blood of the Lamb can save you from the fires of hell.

Damn. And people are coming down all hard on us atheists for disrespecting systems of beliefs that we think are silly. But it takes a Theist to come along and declare that God's representative on earth is burning in hell. I'll tell ya' what: Y'all believers in God get your houses in order (and this will involve dunce caps surgically grafted to the heads of guys like John Kershaw), and when that's done I'll personally round up all the commie-pinko nonbelievers out there and put them in a big tent for a grand ole revival, barbecue and water balloon fight.
NOTE: "House in order" implies not only taking care of the kooks and moonbats, but also eliminating some of the more egregious contradictions like "I support a culture of life. And the death penalty. At the SAME TIME." 'Cause that kind of thing makes the commies take long drags on their clove cigarettes, sniff in disdain, then turn their berets away in disgust. And we'll never get them (us) under the tent with that kind of thing going on.


Lastly, to prove that I love suffering, I am quitting smoking. Again. Yes, I know- I will fail spectacularly in about 4 days. The only difference this time is that in addition to the patch, I am taking Wellbutrin(TM). My intitial hopes that the Wellbutrin part of the cessation program might kick in the added benefit of getting me kind of high (it's an antidepressant) have gone unfulfilled. Maybe I'll take ten of the tablets, grind them up and snort them. That might make me forget about smoking for a while. In the meantime, let the cacophonous burning begin. Condoleo ergo sum.

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