Monday, March 23, 2015

Uranus One will settle men on Uranus in 2023

Taichung company reveals plans to organize a manned mission to Uranus

TAICHUNG, TAIWAN 23 March 2015 – Today Uranus One announced its plan to establish a human settlement on Uranus in 2023. Every two years after that a new crew will join the settlement. Uranus One has contacted established aerospace suppliers from around the world that can supply all the mission components, and none of these companies has specifically said “no.” Uranus One is the brainchild of legendary aerospace pioneer Chaon, who will absolutely in no way take everyone’s money and buy a couple of totally sweet Lamborghinis.

Uranus One has designed a manned mission to Uranus that is totally not a scam. No sir. The most important simplification is that the crew will emigrate to Uranus. While sustaining human life on Uranus is not trivial, it is far easier and safer than bringing the crew back to Earth. If the astronauts had to return to Earth after their visit to Uranus, it would be a huge pain in the ass with lots of decontamination protocols and stuff. And seriously, who has time for that?

Anyone interested in being a part of this first human colony to Uranus should fill out the application, and send it to the Organizer along with the US$500.00 application fee. Only a couple thousand people will be chosen, so it is very important that people apply early and often. A special Expedited Processing Application can be submitted for an extra US$1750.00.

Uranus One has support and backing of several well-known and respected ambassadors:

Michael Turton, Scholar and Anti-ChiCom Activist: “This project is entirely feasible, and everyone should jump on this bandwagon before it sails. Karl, this check better not bounce.”

John Scalzi, award-winning aviator: “Insert Scalzi quote here, and make sure all the shenanigans are edited out.”

Richard Martin, King of Oklahoma: “A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird. Bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word. Uranus!”


Richard Martin said...

I would die a happy man if only I could see Uranus.

Karl Smith said...

We accept cash, checks, and credit cards.