Monday, April 11, 2011

Stats

Key figures from Chaon's recent trip to the United States of America:

In the midst of the budget debate, number of people heard suggesting the elimination of the DHS and/or TSA: 0

Number of seconds it took Chaon to figure out how to circumvent the full body scanners at LAX: 1.2*

Two-word phrases that best describe Americans: "roundly oblivious" and "gratefully oppressed"

Number of times in the last decade Chaon has dismissed with a sneer "vegan" food: 1,755,808

Number of "vegan chocolate chip cookies" eaten by Chaon in the last ten days: 60



*To be fair, the designers and implementers of the body scanners were probably counting on the fact that very tall people are too morally pure and righteous to be terrorists, an assumption I am loathe to disagree with.

7 comments:

Robin said...

You could fire the lot of them as far as I'm concerned.

Karl said...

Still, the most infuriating aspect of my LAX experience was not the spirit-crushing security tomfoolery. It was paying $11.59 for a Bloody Mary at one of the airport bars.

Or are $12 Bloody Marys standard these days? I don't even know any more.

Robin said...

I don't know, I don't drink mixed drinks.

LAX sure is a filthy dump these days, isn't it? You hit DIA, make sure to email me in advance.

Robin said...

By the way, you do know don't you that if TSA learns your full name, they'll put on their list for "Extra Super Duty Enhanced Groping".

They've actually admitted it.

Karl said...

And that's why it would be better if you came for a Taipei visit. Also, I could teach you how to smoke and drink whiskey.

Robin said...

Well, only if you don't make me hold a cigarette in that gay "Hugh Grant turns me on" manner of yours.

Karl said...

In my defense, Hugh Grant is a *very* attractive man...