Wednesday, January 03, 2007

In the news: God has told Pat Robertson that there is going to be a mass killing in 2007.

Well thanks a lot God. You couldn't go to the trouble of telling Pat the name of an actual city or something? My magical spirit guide* tells me much more pointed and practical things, allowing me to make the following predictions for 2007:

-Tony Dungy gets his first Superbowl win. Call your bookie now.

-There will be an addition to the current clutch of NiHowdlings.

-Hillary won't run for president.

-Google will get into the operating system business, seeing an opportunity caused by negative backlash to Microsoft Vista. Call your broker now.

-The Dow will end the year below 12000.

*Could also be an elf, a demon, or an ancestral ghost. I'm not very good at metaphysics.


Michael Turton said...

Tony Dungy = Chuck Knox for the 21st century. May as well believe Marty Schottenheimer will win the Super Bowl. Having those two in the same playoff practically guarantees that someone else will get there. NE once again, over the Saints or Philly.
Peyton Manning = The Second Coming of Dan Marino. And that's the only second coming this year. Jesus, but Americans are fucking stooopid.

Karl said...

You doubt my magical spirit guide? Blasphemer!

Red A said...

San Diego, Chicago, do these ring any bells?

The Eagles cannot win due to the Hubris issue.

Karl said...

You're picking the Giants over the Eagles this weekend? Or are you saying that the Eagles can't win after that?

As for my Indy pick- Magical. Spirit. Guide. Now go mortgage your house and get cash, I'll drive us to the local sprts book gangster place. We'll use our winnings to short Google's stock real hard.

Red A said...

The Eagles cannot win until PJ and the Pimp admit their hubris and stop predicting Eagles' Superbowl victories years in advance.

They might beat the Giants though.

Then again, Garcia is sort of the anti-Hubris.

Anonymous said...

Hubris Shmubris
Hubris for Romo! Pride for the Eagles
YOu know it!
Eagles 27-Bolts 26 in a close one.

Brian David Phillips said...

They really should have thought through the photo they used for Robertson in that story (or maybe they did) . . . he's grinning like a homocidal maniac next to his quote that god told him of a mass killing with millions affected.