Chewin in the Chung

In the news: God has told Pat Robertson that there is going to be a mass killing in 2007.

Well thanks a lot God. You couldn't go to the trouble of telling Pat the name of an actual city or something? My magical spirit guide* tells me much more pointed and practical things, allowing me to make the following predictions for 2007:

-Tony Dungy gets his first Superbowl win. Call your bookie now.

-There will be an addition to the current clutch of NiHowdlings.

-Hillary won't run for president.

-Google will get into the operating system business, seeing an opportunity caused by negative backlash to Microsoft Vista. Call your broker now.

-The Dow will end the year below 12000.


*Could also be an elf, a demon, or an ancestral ghost. I'm not very good at metaphysics.