Chewin in the Chung

The Eccentric Uncle at the Wen Hsin Rd. Jade Market (Note: The Jade market sells not only jade, but various minerals, antiques and jewelry):

"Fake"

"Cheap stuff from Brazil"

"I can buy 100 of those for $20 from a Nevada wholesaler"

"Tha... WOW LOOK AT THIS" (Followed by a 45-minute examination of some rock.)

Translating for the Eccentric Uncle for six days was not too difficult, but I did run into a fairly specialized Eccentric Uncle vocabulary that I had no idea how to say in Chinese:
Carnelion
Jasper
Sedimentary rock
Pyrite
Cone shells (yuan zhuei ti bei ke seemed logical, but it only drew blank stares. Perhaps because normal people don't talk about cone shells all that much)

The Eccentric Uncle on Betelnut Girls: "Oh my God!" (Followed by numerous attempts to photograph betelnut girls from my car as we drove past.) For someone who takes an awful lot of pictures, Uncle seems kind of vague on the concept of shutter speed.

Eccentric Uncle on the Oceanic Museum and Aquarium near Kenting:
"It's much better than the one in Osaka." In other news, there is an Aquarium in Osaka.