Chewin in the Chung

So I finally see something funny this week, and I get ready to post it, only to find that Rye has already posted it. Oh well. Check out Chad Vader, dayshift manager anyway.

And I said in the comments below that I couldn't find anything funny about Israel-Lebanon, but I was wrong. Here's the background:
See first Leroy Jenkins Wikipedia entry
And if you haven't seen it yet, here's the original Leroy Jenkins video.

So I had to laugh when this was posted on a FARK comments thread by deevo:


George W. Bush: OK guys, the Middle East has given us a lot of trouble in the past, uh does anybody need anything off Iran or can we bypass them?

Dick Cheney: Uhh, I think Israel needs something from this guy.

Bush: Oh, does he need the Holy Land? Doesn't - isn't he a country now?

Cheney: Yeah, but that will help him look better, he'll have more land.

Bush: [sighs] Christ. OK, uhh well what we'll do, I'll run in first, uh gather up all the insurgents, we can kinda just, ya know run them all out with our guns. Um, I will use Vague Threats, to kinda scatter'em, so we don't have to fight a whole bunch of them at once. Uhh, when my guys are done, uhh, I'll need England to come in and send his guys too, uh so we can keep them scattered and not have to fight too many. Um, when his is done, Poland of course will need to run in and do the same thing. Uhh, we're gonna need Propaganda for our Marines, uhh so they can, uhh, win, uh so we can of course get them down fast, cause we're bringing all these guys, I mean, we'll be in trouble if we don't take them down quick. Uhh I think this is a pretty good plan, we should be able to pull it off this time. Uhh, what do you think Donald? Can you give me a number crunch real quick?

Donald Rumsfeld: Uhhh.. yeah gimme a sec... I'm coming up with thirty-two point three three, repeating of course, percentage, of survival.

Bush: That's a lot better than we usually do, uhh, alright, you think we're ready guys?

Israel: All right chums, I'm back! Let's do this! LEEROOOOOOOY JEEENKIIIIIINSSS!!! [runs into Lebanon]

-Short pause-

Bush: [incredulous] ... Oh my God he just ran in.

Cheney: Save them!

Bush: Oh jeez, stick to the plan.

Rumsfeld: Oh jeez, let's go, let's go!

Democrats: [sarcastic] Stick to the plan chums!

Cheney: Stick to the plan!

Bush: Oh jeez, oh ****...

Cheney: Gimme propaganda, hurry up.

Rumsfeld: Shootin'!

Karl Rove: They're saying I can't spin! I can't spin, am I slipping, guys? I can't spin!

Bush: What the?what the hell?

Rove: I can't spin this!

Cheney: Oh my God...

Rumsfeld: The soldiers just keep dying! More dying!!

Bush: I don't think you can spin with this **** going on!

Cheney: Oh my God!

Israel: We got em, we got em!

Ehud Olmert: I got it! I got it! [muffled shouts]

Poland: Poland's down. Poland's down.

Rumsfeld: Oh my God..

Bush: Goddamnit Israel!

Cheney: Goddamnit...

Hezbollah: Israel you moron! [various put-downs of Israel amongst the Middle East]

England: I'm on it.

Germany: It's on Germany.

Rumsfeld: This is ridiculous.

England: I'm down, England down. Goddamnit.

Germany: Germany is down.

Bush: This is the millionth time we've failed at this, God!

Cheney: Rove, spin us! Rove, spin us!

Rumsfeld: Why do you do this **** Israel?

Rove: I'm trying!

Israel [crying]: It's not my fault!

Cheney: Who's reporting on this?

Bush: We do have the media here, don't we? [everyone dies] Think I need the media?

Rove: Yeah but I don't think we know a sympathetic reporter.

Bush [noticing everybody is dead]: ... Oh God...

Everybody: Oh for - [sighs] Great job!

Cheney: Israel, you are just stupid as hell.

Hezbollah: Idiot.

Israel: ... 'Least I got revenge.