"The Mayor Issue"
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Another one that I had no memory of writing. Though my struggles with Sim City came back to me. Also, I found the original files for all of these Voice articles on an old USB drive, so I don't have to scan and OCR the print copy of the magazine.
17 years later, the parking situation here is much better. The advent of untended parking lots has made private for-pay parking a reasonable investment. I suspect there were also some rule/law changes to facilitate this.
Taichung finally got an MRT. It is an above-ground system, and there is only one line, but it connects to the high speed rail and train station in Wuri. I take it twice a week when I come back from Taipei.
The air pollution is either as bad or worse as it was when I wrote this article.
I feel like there are much fewer illegal KTVs in Taichung now, but that may just be a result of the pandemic.
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City Government. Hell Yeah I’ll write about city government. I have a great big stinking laundry bag of issues I’d like to take up with a representative of Taichung’s leaders. First, I demand to know what is the DEAL with the parking situation, and then the traffic congestion, and the pollution, and the… and the… OK, wait a minute. Truth be told, I have never actually managed a group larger than seven people, much less an urban area of close to a million. How am I going to start railing about issues that I don’t see as being properly addressed, when certain people might imply that, well, I don’t have any idea what I’m talking about. Can’t have that, can we? I’d better get some training on this city management stuff, demonstrate my organizational mastery or urban issues, and *then* start the bitching.
Enter Maxis Software’s Simcity Formosa. With this city simulator, I’ll just lay out and manage my own little world-class metropolis, using the actual geography of Taichung. Man, I wish they’d put little dots on this map so I can tell exactly where Taichung is supposed to be. Somewhere there near the coast should be close enough. The program installed without a hitch- there was an introduction and a tutorial, but I clicked right through it. I don’t need a tutorial, I mean, how hard can running a city possibly be? And when do I get to build a subway system?
It’s time to get started doing this city right. First, we are going to get this place efficiently and fairly zoned. None of these tiny factories in what should be some family’s living room or garage. No storefronts on residential buildings with cars triple parked on the street in front. Residential areas are for residents. Commercial districts are for shopping and businesses. And my industrial park is going to have ample road and… rail access! I might run the subway line up there as well, but I don’t have enough money to build a subway system yet.
Hey. Nobody is moving in to my city. It’s not growing. Oh right! The entire area is without electricity and water. OK, let’s build a power plant and a water distribution network…. These water pipes are kind of a pain in the ass. Maybe some areas can just use less water for a while.
All set. Now, add hospitals and schools, placed within a convenient distance from the suburban areas. Make sure police and fire stations are spread throughout the city. Set funding to the maximum for the police force- the very instant an illegal KTV or massage parlor opens in my Taichung, my highly-trained and very well paid police units are going to move in and shut ‘em down. I’ll max out funding for the fire department as well, to better safeguard my city’s infrastructure and protect the citizens.
Wow. My budget is a mess. I’ll never be able to build a subway at this rate. How can I generate more income? I know! I’ll raise taxes and charge more for city services.
Whoa! Bad move! Businesses are fleeing Taichung in droves! Citizens are protesting in the streets! My *gasp* approval rating has plummeted into the abyss! Alright Taichungers, calm down. I’ll lower taxes, and just trim some funding from the city services budget. What are people going to do with all that education and health care anyway? Hmm. Budget is still in the red. Cut city services some more. There. A nice, balanced…. What is that commotion? A strike by civil servants for better wages? Fire them!
This game sucks. It won’t let you fire government workers. Fine, I’ll restore the funding for city services. What else can I do to generate income? Click. Click. Click. Aha! A corporation is willing to pay us to build a toxic waste dump in Taichung! Well, I guess we can all live with some toxic waste… I’ll make them build it out there by the power plant. That area is kind of yucky and polluted already. See? Budget is balanced, and I am even turning a small surplus each month. Now I can start planning the ultimate futuristic subway/light rail/moving walkway system that will put to shame that silly little Taipei MRT. Someday my city will not even need cars because my subway system is going to so totally rock.
What is that screaming? And why is my city making booming sounds? What the hell? There is a GIANT ROBOT attacking my city! There go a couple of factories. And that neighborhood went downhill pretty quickly, what with a giant robot stomping on all of the houses and whatnot. No! Stay away from the business district! Noooo!
Evidently, Simcity generates its own disasters to make the game harder. I suppose a giant robot attack is still probably easier to deal with than a major earthquake or flood. I can fix the things that got knocked down in my alternate Taichung, but I’m pretty sure that now I will never, ever have the money to build a subway system. Taichungers, enjoy your cars and motorcycles.
So, in light of this simulation, what do I say now about the Taichung city government and the job they are doing? In my Simcity Taichung trials, I got voted out of office five times. That approval rating thing is tougher than it looks, and when it comes to decisions regarding the future of a city, “good for the city” can be very far away from “popular”. How much of what we see and criticize here in Taichung is the result not of shortsighted leadership, but the fact that the city councilors and mayor have to run for re-election? Even with the best of intentions and great foresight, the allocation of limited resources in running a city is a lot more difficult than having a beer and complaining about the people who run the city. I know, because I am an expert on having a beer and complaining. My advice to people in charge at Taichung City Hall: When you finally do get around to building a subway system, make sure it is Giant Robot-proof.
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