Chewin in the Chung

Aaron sends this: Which of these men do you want leading our country? Well, as I believe I have made it perfectly clear, I want neither of those men leading our country. But OK, this week the Nutjobs are offering football pictures. What can the Wingnuts give us? Oh yeah, here it is: The Loyalty Oath. (Requires Real Player, install and crash at your own risk)

I actually has to sign a loyalty oath back in 1984. My Stepfather offered me a job at the computer lab in the Education department, and the University of South Florida required all employees to sign a State of Florida Loyalty Oath. (I have no idea if that oath is the same one I signed, but seems pretty similiar) These oaths are strange: "...do solemnly swear/affirm that I support the Constitution of the USA and the State of Florida." What does it even mean to support the State of Florida? If you do not support the State of Florida, what would you do differently? Does the mass sale of Florida land and businesses to Canadians violate either provision of the oath? How about selling gas to Massholes? Because if you really support Florida, you do not want people from Massachusetts driving in the Sunshine State.

Swearing loyalty to the U.S. constitution makes a bit more sense. The U.S. Constitution rocks. Oldest living document baby, and all that. Still, by swearing that you 'support' the U.S. Constitution, you are also swearing that you 'support' the sixteenth amendment. Yuck. Maybe you are also saying that you simultaneously 'support' the eighteenth and twenty-first amendments, which might make you something of a waffle.

So as far as this swearing of loyalty thing goes, I think we should reserve it for things which must command absolute loyalty, but to which loyalty is not taken for granted. Like an Emperor. Or a Secret Society. Let's just look at, for example, Emperor Karl. Or the League of Crimson Blades for the Supremacy of Emperor Karl. If people will sign a grammatically botched loyalty oath to hear Cheney speak, just imagine the number of people who will sign in order to read this blog, or listen to me sing Run Run Away by Slade.