Tuesday, January 08, 2013
How I Found my Otherkin: A Paramecium’s Tale
Having recently come out as an Otherkin to my friends and family, I thought it would be time to share my story. Hopefully somebody else can relate and find comfort in the fact that they are not alone.
My earliest memory is that of beating my cilia. That distinctly beautiful sensation pierced through me like a thousand swords. It was an indescribable moment. I had felt that motion before. Somewhere deep within the depths of my soul, I knew that spiraling through the water was meant for me.
I also knew that I could never wiggle any of my cilium again.
I was born a cis male human to a family of humans living in America. Growing up, I always had a close connection to protozoa. I could identify with them in ways that I couldn’t with anybody else. Even as a small child, I believed with all my heart that I was no different than Paramecium aurelia. Being with protozoa, I felt more at home than I ever have with a human. There existed an unspoken understanding between us that reassured me that I was not alone.
From the time I could crawl, I have always carried instinctual urges towards Paramecium behavior. Perhaps it was during those years that I felt most aligned with my spirit, before my legs began to betray me and force me upright. At first, standing up felt extremely unnatural and I still don’t think I have ever fully adapted to being bipedal. However, being raised by human parents, I was made to believe I was a human too, regardless of how I felt inside.
So I grew up as a human and tried my hardest to keep my Paramecium urges under control. I figured I just really liked Paramecia and for the most part lived a functional life.
It wasn’t until I was 18 years old that I met my spirit sibling and discovered my otherkin.
When I was 18, I was swimming in a scum-filled pond one day when I crossed paths with a Paramecium. Normally this wouldn’t be an unusual event, but this time it was different. We just stopped and pulsed pellicles at each other. I knew this protozoan creature. I knew everything about it. I was it.
I had the most bone chilling feeling of deja vu come over me. I felt as if I was looking in a mirror, finally being able to connect my mind with a body. The way that Paramecium pulsed its pellicle back was as if it was experiencing the same realization. A flood of memories began to pour through me. I was connecting to my previous life. My soul was opening up and unlocking my true identity.
Our spirits became intertwined. It was not a normal Paramecium. It had the distinct energy of a human. In that moment we both knew that we had found what we were looking for. It was in my body and I was in its.
Our souls had switched, becoming trapped in the wrong bodies. Somewhere along the course of our conception, something must have gone wrong. I was awoken that day. Staring at that Paramecium, I was suddenly filled with the knowledge I had been seeking my whole life. It had been inside me all along but my spirit sibling brought it out.
It and I have been inseparable ever since. We are connected by a bond stronger than anything earth can offer.
Everyday I am haunted by the knowledge that I am not living out my purpose the way it was intended. I know that my sibling and I will never regain what we have lost. We will always feel like strangers in our own membrane.
Though my fate is sealed, finding my spirit sibling gives me the hope that maybe one day my soul can finally go home.