I guess this issue was something like "The Best of Taichung," but I don't really remember. I don't have a hard copy of the issue, only the long-lost .doc file reproduced below.
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So how has the article aged? Well...
To this day, the hangover I got from drinking Dragon Phoenix liquor is one of the worst I've ever had. I don't even know if it's still made. I hope not.
The anecdote about Kaoliang and my misunderstanding is true.
Taizhong Park got a total redesign/rebuild 10 or 15 years ago, and there are no longer any dark hidden spaces for... shenanigans. I do not know the current status of the Tang Dynasty prostitutes next to the park.
Don't know if prawn fishing is still a thing. Haven't seen one of those places around for ages.
Pizza Hut totally put red bean (and much worse things) on a pizza.
Fubar Taichung. God I miss that place,
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The Cursed Worst
The Worst Hangovers (are courtesy of):
1) Dragon Phoenix liquor 龍鳳酒 (Long Feng Jiu). With a shortage of actual dragons and phoenixes
available to make this, the manufacturer is evidently using toxic waste and
pure essence of evil. The hangover this stuff produces will cause the most
hardened atheist to pray for relief to any and all gods who might be listening.
2) Kaoliang 高粱酒.
I lived in Taiwan for many years under the impression that Kaoliang was a place name. It was a comforting belief - As long as
all the world’s Kaoliang jiu came
from one city, then there was always the possibility of some kind of natural
disaster wiping that city off the map, thereby saving the world from this evil,
120-poof menace. As it turns out, Kaoliang means ‘Chinese sorghum’. So kaoliang jiu just means ‘sorghum liquor.’
A better name might be 高粱痛 kaoliang tong, or
“sorghum pain.”
3) Rice wine and coke. A few years back I moved into an
apartment, where the previous tenant had left a bunch of stuff. Among the items
I inherited were four bottles of rice wine, used by Taiwanese mostly for
cooking. So one night I was at home alone and felt like having a few drinks,
but I was too lazy to go out and buy anything. All I had was this big bottle of
Coke, and these bottles of rice wine… I’m telling you, the first one went down
quite nicely, and I quickly found myself at the bottom of the fourth bottle. I
would like to describe to you what the next day was like, but there are not
words in any language to express that kind of agony. I’ve heard that rice wine
and 維士比 (Whisbih) are
pretty good together, but to tell the truth I’m kind of gun shy at this point.
The Worst local foods
1) Cho dofu 臭豆腐 (Stinky
tofu). The deep fried kind is pretty gross, but if you are hungry enough or
drunk enough, you can probably put it away. The steamed kind is weapons-grade
disgusting, inedible under any circumstances. An honorable mention goes to the chou dofu and fish soup, which I only
found out existed a few weeks ago.
2) Fried bee larvae. This local delicacy does not taste nearly as bad as the stinky tofu, but I think the fact that it is comprised of BEE LARVAE qualifies it as one of the worst. Bee larvae. That’s just nasty.
The
1)
The Worst Recreation
1) Prawn fishing. Or maybe it should be called “shrimp
fishing” 釣蝦子 [diao xia zi]. I
had never imagined that there could be anything more boring than fishing, but I
was wrong. Prawn fishing has all traditional tedium of fishing, combined with
the fact that when you get a bite and wrestle the thrashing beast to shore,
you’ve caught… a prawn. After you have sat around what is basically a dirty
swimming pool and caught your batch of prawns, they will usually cook them for
you at the site. Then you get to peel your prawns and eat them. What an awful
way to spend an afternoon. Now if anybody finds out about a place where you get
to chase down and slaughter your own chickens, let me know. That might be
interesting.
Worst Cigarette- Long Life Yellow.
Worst intersection-
Worst place to live- There is some argument here. I have
always said that the worst place to live was in one of those fifty year-old
apartments around the train station. But in the extensive research I did for
this article***, I got some argument on this point, with some parties insisting
that a truly unpleasant place to live must have a contingent of barking dogs
nearby, which the train station area does not have. So I’m still open on this
one, send me an e-mail and tell me what is the worst location in Taichung to
reside.
That’s it. If I missed anything that you feel should be on the list, drop me an E-mail and let me know. And if you’ve got a blog or a website that relates to Taiwan, send me that too; Next month’s issue tackles the Internet, dinosaurs and all.
* The roof.
**
***I mentioned the topic one night at Fubar.
1 comment:
LATE STUPID EDIT: There is no longer any such thing as "Chung Gang Road" in Taichung. It is now "Taiwan Da Dao." This new name is stupid and wrong, just like all of the other new things in the world that have emerged since 2005.
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