Some background: As you may know, Jade Mountain's first English name was Mount Morrison, named for the captain W. Morrison who saw it as he departed Anping harbor.
Now I know what you are thinking- "But Karl, aren't you related to a line of brilliant and ridiculously talented Morrisons on your mother's side? Is there any relation to this W. Morrison?"
To tell the truth, yes.* W. Morrison was my great great grandfather. And what most people don't know is that after leaving Anping, he turned his ship (the SS Alexander) north, and proceeded to explore, map, and most importantly claim all of the islands that are currently in dispute. I have the original documents dated August 1857 which fully verify all of this.**
Now I have tried to be low-key about the dispute, but the recent media attention and unashamed territorial violations have forced my hand. Therefore, I must take any future incursions onto my sovereign territory as an act of war. I demand that all three nations: Japan, Taiwan, and China immediately renounce the respective bogus claims over what has historically always been Chaon's land. I will send a bill for reparations at a later date.
Map of the disputed Chaon Islands.
1. Chaon Cay2. Isle O’ Sweet Mullets
3. Pirate Bay. Yar.
4. Isle of Lesbos
5. Atlantis
6. Treasure Island, and by “Treasure”, we mean “Beer”
7. Scary Skerry,
8. Terrorist Fist Jab Jetty
*For a given value of 'truth'
**Let me answer the revisionists right now. My family has always been technologically advanced, and it is an established historical fact that the Morrisons wrote exclusively in 12 pt. Times New Roman font in the mid-nineteenth century. I'm sure it was not easy to do it with a quill pen, but they managed.
3 comments:
Don't be low-key! Go forward to claim what belongs to you!
By the way, my great great great grandfather, the inventor of the Times New Roman font (pat. # R.U.M. -granted on June 12 1845 at 10:15am)managed to get a copy of this map as a reward for helping W. Morrison to adjust his very bad handwriting.
I am now the proud owner of this copy.
It seems there is a typo in your legend: on my copy, the Isle of Lesbos should be the island #7.
But I am not sure because a lot of stains on this %&*$@# map... maybe rum? Or beer?
I discovered by chance your blog. Very funny and...good!
The Japanese government protests your placing of the island names in alphabetical order, as it should be in reverse alphabetical order, allowing the correct "Senkaku" to come first.
7-11 has been informed to refuse sales of Kirin to you until you comply.
Ha, Too late! I have already implemented a full embargo on all Japanese products. Japan's economy will soon wither from the effects of my not buying... um.. er... any Japanese stuff that I usually buy all the time.
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