Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Drops of Youth

Dear Body Shop,

Now I'm not saying no, but I have a few questions:

1) How many youth are harvested to make one bottle of 'youth concentrate'?

2) Are the youth slaughtered using humane methods?

3) Are the youth free range? I don't use factory-farmed youth concentrate products.

4) I'm assuming that the youth are rainforest-friendly. What certifications does the Body Shop hold to show compliance in this area?

5) Do the youth contain ractopamine? This is an important issue because the Americans eat pork with ractopamine in it, and it has made them all go crazy.

6) How much youth concentrate should I drink to eliminate male pattern baldness? How about benign prostatic hyperplasia?

7) If I overdose on youth concentrate, will I become a youth myself? Or will I turn into a fetus? A Spermatozoon?  A glint in my father's eye?

No comments: