Cinema

Everyone else has already reviewed or commented on the Movie 300, so I know I'm kind of late with this. Saw the movie Tuesday night with my wife, and after a few days reflection I must give it a resounding thumbs down.

First, let's just skip all the questions about historical accuracy. I don't know anything about history anyway, and there are people around who spend all their free time reading those kinds of books, that is, when they are not writing letters to the Taipei Times or invading Kazakhstan with armor divisions.

Complaint 1: After watching this movie, my wife has started yelling 'SPARTA!!' for no apparent reason, and then beating my ass all the way around the house. Thanks a lot Zack Snyder. You can use some of your incredible profits from this movie to buy some soup and bring it to me at the battered husbands shelter.

Complaint 2: The Persian emperor Xerxes. Look, if I want to see a freakishly tall, self-indulgent, androgynous pervert who is always trying to convince other people to get on their knees, I'll go look in a mirror. I hardly need to a movie theater to see that. On the upside, I've got a great idea for Halloween next year. All I need to do is convince Rye to buy a red cape and a shield.

Complaint 3: Freedom. This word got bandied about so much, that I started to feel like I was listening to a PNAC policy paper. Again, I don't care about the historical stuff. The freedom thing didn't even make any sense in the context of the movie. The Persians show up and tell the Spartans that all they have to do is pay a token tribute, and acknowledge that they are part of the Persian Empire. So Leonidas freaks out, kicks the dude down a well, and gets ready to rumble. That is not fighting for freedom, that is fighting for face. The same thing would happen if a representative of ARATS showed up in Taipei, and told president Annette Lu that all Taiwan has to do is pay a token tribute, and acknowledge that Taiwan is a part of China, and nothing else in Taiwan had to change. She would kick him in the nuts, bite his ear off, gouge out his eyes and then throw him down a well, all after shouting Zhe si Tâi-oân ah! And we don't even have a Hot Gates to bottleneck the Chinese army, so there would go my property values.

So, no kudos for 300. Next week: Ghost Rider